This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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