i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
