I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
