just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
