Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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