"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
