it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
