I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
