Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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