I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
