dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
