i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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