so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
