And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
