Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
