happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
