fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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