I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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