Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
