I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
