Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
