a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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