dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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