I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
