I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
