Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
