after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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