im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
