who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
