Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
