Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
