Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
