And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
