sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He passed out mid-signature
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
