Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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