that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
