You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have aggressive nipples.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
