Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
