No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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