areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
