went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
