Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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