I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
