My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
