Are we in a gay sports bar?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
