Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The best revenge is premature balding
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
