I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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