He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
