And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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