O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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