I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
