So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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