Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
