I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.