but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE