I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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