ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
