Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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