so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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