Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
