A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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