Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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