Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
