im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
