I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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