I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
