I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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