i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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