Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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