Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
