I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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